Today I wanted to share a really unique part of my story. This is a part of me that I have shared with a lot of people who are close to me, but I haven’t ever shared it openly with many people.
My family is unique in one small way – my siblings and I are all adopted! This is something I have known about my whole life. I have amazing parents who have always been open and honest with me about my adoption.
I was born in Las Vegas Nevada and my birth mom planned to have me placed for adoption when she was only a few months pregnant. I know very little about my birth parents. My adoption, as well as my sisters, are what they call a closed adoption. This means that our birth parents did not meet our adoptive parents and would have no contact with them or us once the adoption was completed.
I was only a few days old when I was adopted and came home with my parents only a few days after being born. They are all I have ever known and they are my real parents, not my birth parents. My sister was also really young when she was adopted. She was born in Tarzana California and she was only a few weeks old. My brother, however has the most fascinating adoption. He was born in a small country called Azerbaijan. He was a few months old when he became a part of our family and the adoption process took a little over two years.
My dad and mom have always said that we were always meant to be a family and they knew without a doubt we were meant to be his kids. Honestly I was really blessed to have been adopted into a loving family when so many other children will never have that opportunity. I know, and my family knows, that God was directing our paths to each other.
When it comes to my story the biggest question that is always asked is, “Do you want to find your adoptive parents?” This is always such a hard question for me, because I don’t think it can be answered with a simple yes or no.
When an adoption is a closed adoption there can be the opportunity to reunite once the child has turned 18. All the parent or the child has to do is reach out to the agency, however, in order to protect both sides (because it was a closed adoption) but the child and the parents must be looking for each other. This allows the child or the parents to be protected if they have no desire to be found – it must be a mutual decision.
Although I have a desire to meet my birth parents/family, I am not so sure I am ready to open that door. It would be cool to meet any siblings I may have and to see if I look anything like my birth parents, something I always have wondered. It would be cool to learn about my ancestry and learn a little more about where I come from. However, I am not sure I really want to have a relationship with someone, who honestly is nothing more than a stranger.
I am afraid to open a door that will then make me obligated to build new relationships with people I am not so sure I want to have a permeant place in my life. Also, as dumb as it may sound, I am scared to know all the reasons and details for why my parents placed me for adoption. Although I know the basics of why they did what they did and they are all very viable reasons, I can not help but have a small, un-logical, but valid fear of rejection. Maybe they never wanted me and maybe they still won’t want me to become a part of their life now.
Regardless of my fears I know that my parents love me and my mom has always instilled in us that our birth parents were good people who loved us and did the very best thing they could for our future. My mom has never uttered a bad word about any of our birth parents, but has always uplifted them and their decisions.
Whether I choose to pursue my birth parents or not, I know my family will always have my back. The reality is that no one is family simply because they share blood, our family is made through love and time spent building true relationships. I am grateful for this part of my story and for all that it has taught me regarding family, empathy and understanding.